I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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