We won't sleep together?
look no pants
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
