College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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