theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
