Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it hurts more in the daytime
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Never joke about your clitoris.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
