Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize