proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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