Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
