I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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