Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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