Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
