I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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