you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
