You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
