Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
tell me about the fingering
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