how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm too high and old for this...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
