my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
dude. I can hear the air.
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