i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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