Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
