oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
