I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so let's talk penis.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
