After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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