Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
