Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
