I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
