My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize