am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
