Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
