I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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