Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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