I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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