Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
