You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
