I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
