Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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