This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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