Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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