i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need to wash the frat house off of me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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