I'm so fucking centered right now
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
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I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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