he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sext me about skeletons
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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