I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
