dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
