Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
