Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
