Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am one with the molecules
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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