so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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