You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
