i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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