Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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