dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I wear drunk well.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
