She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize