So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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