I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
