The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
